Suicide Letters
by Bex Drake
Summary: Sometimes when you're backed into a corner it's the only way out. Life is precious but to live a lie? No, it isn't that precious! ONE SHOT


**Suicide Letters**

**Summary: **Sometimes when you're backed into a corner it's the only way out. Life is precious but to live a lie? No, it isn't that precious!

**Disclaimer:** The fabulous world of Harry Potter belongs to the awe inspiring JK Rowling.

**Authors Note:** This is my first ever HP fanfic, so any comments and/or criticisms will be gratefully received. Please note that this is a one-shot fanfic and that is all it is intended to be.

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_Life. A fragile thing I'm sure you'll agree. Something that's a gift. Poets to show hope being born out of the ashes of horrors and despair often use new life to symbolise hope. But then, you already know that don't you? This letter will probably come as a surprise to you all. You're all wondering why I wrote this and then killed myself aren't you? It's as I said at the beginning. Life._

_I'm not good at writing this suicide note, although by the time I'm finished I believe it will have turned into a letter. I don't suppose anyone's good at writing or saying goodbye for that matter. I used to think that someone who took their life was a coward. It was easy to say and to believe because to be frank I didn't want to look too deeply beneath the surface. I guess I was scared what I'd see. That maybe I'd see the shattered pieces of their soul and realise that no; they weren't too different from me._

_It's funny really how view points change as time moves on. I'd have laughed if anyone had told me a year ago, six months, two months, two weeks ago that I'd be sitting here writing this. Life seemed great. No. It was better than great it was amazing. I was seeing things through new eyes and understanding everything more than I could have through a book. Then something changed. Perhaps I changed and I realised that I wasn't needed any longer. Harry and Ron certainly don't need me any longer; I just hold them back. They've been standing on their own two feet for a while now, working out puzzles for themselves that they'd usually have left for me. It's a good thing and it's not their fault. They've just finally grown up and they're turning into two guys who I'm proud to know. I suppose in a way I felt eclipsed by them, maybe that's why I've been burying myself in books more and more? I don't suppose it really matters as to the why, but I've finally been gathering the courage to bow out and let my two best friends walk on their own unencumbered by me. Please tell them I wish them luck for the future and that I love them both, dearly._

_Now onto what I suppose you, the reader, will consider the 'important' matters. The why because once you've seen me the how will be obvious._

_Life. (Yeah, I'm back to it again but it is important- please excuse the irony.) Life is easy right- especially if you're me, little miss 'Perfect'. Who has everything that anybody could want. My parents love me and are still together and alive, I get the top marks in tests every time, I have lots of friends and I'm the 'brains' of the Golden Trio. Perfect- right? Wrong! Nothing in life is every perfect. Trust me when I tell you this because I know, unfortunately. The thing with getting one hundred percent every time is that after a while everyone expects it, indeed if you only manage ninety-nine percent they start to wonder what's wrong or if you really are clever. It just doesn't seem to occur to anyone that you might have to struggle to remember a name of a certain plant and it's properties. They just take it for granted that you do know. No one ever praises you for your mark, no matter how much work you've put into it but everyone else will get praise because they've obviously been working hard because their grade's improved! How the hell can you improve on one hundred percent! You can't._

_It's not fair!_

_Please forgive my outburst. I guess feelings that have been locked away in the depths of your heart with lock and key when released have a way of getting away from you. I didn't kill myself just because no one noticed how hard I was working. Please, give me some credit. It was something much more than that and still I suppose you could say it was something less than that as well._

_I guess you're wondering why then, if it wasn't that. Well I'll get to that all in good time my friend. It's just I want to use this as an opportunity to finally voice everything I have kept quite about for so long. To take my life apart bit by bit._

_Let's start at the beginning._

_I'm Hermione Granger; daughter of two muggles who are dentists. I'm a close friend of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley; together I guess you could say we form the 'Golden Trio'. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are my best friends. We met on the train in our first year at Hogwarts; I was helping Neville look for his toad, Trevor. To be perfectly honest we didn't get along at first, I thought that they were too interested in flouting the rules because Harry's 'the boy who lived' and Ron, well, he was just plain rude. But that all changed when they saved me from a troll, granted there wouldn't have been a problem if they hadn't shut it in the same room as me but then how where they to know? From then, I guess you could say, we were friends._

_If there were just one thing I could thank both of them for then it would be for teaching me that it's okay to relax sometimes and that there are some rules that can have to be broken, that there are more important things in life than being 'perfect'. Friends, are one of them. Sometimes I wonder what I'd have been like if it weren't for them. Would I have been the insufferable know-it-all that I was often labelled? Or would I have been someone more tragic? Who knows?_

_Life is a fool's game, by all accounts._

_Where was I? Ah yes, I remember. With Harry and Ron's friendship came acceptance from the rest of the house, and even a few tentative friendships that weren't directly linked to the fact that I was 'in' with Harry and Ron. Unfortunately the majority were linked to just that. It amazes me that people seem to think that if you're friends with someone famous and popular that if they're your friends then they themselves will be popular. Ridiculous if you ask me, but then no one will, will they? It's kind of stupid to ask a corpse, it's not like it can answer back- right? (Please excuse the macabre humour)_

_I know Ron doesn't think this, and if you show him this bit of the letter then he'll just laugh, but he's lucky. Luckier than Harry and luckier than me. Both Harry and I are only children; I've spent the majority of my life alone and well… I don't think Harry's had it much better. Ron has always been surrounded by his family and for that alone I envy him. The closest thing to me is a second or third cousin and well… sometimes it can get rather lonely._

_Ginny, Ron's younger sister, has been a great friend. (I'm sorry Ginny if you're the one who found me and who's reading this- really I am!) She's a lot easier to talk to sometimes than the boys, a lot harder to understand too but that's part of her charm. I'm glad we met, she's good at explaining things that only a girl should know and she's a good listener. She's also a good alley to have on your side and she has the ability and the knowledge to be a great witch, something I'll never be. All I am comes from books, I am nothing more than the outcome of a lot of books that I have memorised from cover to cover too afraid not to. Please, tell her that I love her like a sister and that I'm sure one day she'll gain her hearts desire- only it might not be who she thinks it is, although she is more sagacious than she is often given credit for so perhaps she knows…It isn't important right now. What is important, however, is that I continue this for better or worse._

_These past seven years have been the best of my life, by a long way. Largely due to those close to me and I thank them for it. I doubt I would have become the person I am today without them. I hope I am was a credit to them and I hope that they can forgive me this last selfish act. It's no one single person's fault that in the end it came to this. It was just a tragic (I suppose) culmination of events, that left me with no other way out._

_I guess the point of this letter, for me at least, was to sort out my feelings. Truth to say I am bereft. Bereft of hope and finally fear. I am the happiest I have been in my life, and yet I am driven to top myself suicide. Ironic, no?_

_This letter never really was about explaining the why. It was just about me getting things off of my chest. If you really want to know why, then here it is. I killed myself because… well because of a lot of things. Love, first and foremost. I killed myself out of love (oh the irony) because I can never have the person I love and who loves me, and I'd rather break his heart than watch his destruction. Like everyone I'm selfish because knowing how many people my doing this will hurt I'm still prepared to do it because I do not want to get hurt. It's stupid. It's also true. As well as for love I killed myself for friendship, so that those who would have me as a friend won't be hurt by me._

_So the culmination of this letter comes down to this: me wanting to say I'm sorry, I love you and goodbye._

_Never forget I will love you always Harry, Ron, Ginny and my Love. I'm sorry to do this to all of you._

_Goodbye. Love,_

_Hermione xxx_

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Ginny looked down at the letter, tears pouring down her face. Hermione's last words. Hours earlier Draco Malfoy's body had been discovered in the Slytherin common room brutally murdered. It appeared that people who had wanted to pay back his father had done it by killing him. Somehow Ginny couldn't help feeling that there was a connection of sorts between the two deaths. She had been on her way to tell Hermione the news, when she had overheard Lavender asking Ron if he had seen Hermione. Having thought that it was odd she had decided to check Hermionie's room first only to come across the body and the note.

There was a loud knock on the door and with considerable effort Ginny stood up and went to the door to find Lavender Brown standing outside looking very impatient. "I've been knocking on this door for the last… oh hey Ginny! Have you…? Are you okay?" Ginny was hardly aware of what Lavender was saying, but she must have seen something in Ginny's face because Lavender was shaking her. Ginny snapped out of her daze.

"Fetch McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey. Now!" Without a worried Lavender turned and hurried off to find them. Ginny sagged with relief against the door. Help was on its way; McGonagall would be able to sort everything out…

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Dumbledore looked at the two people sitting on the other side of his desk with a troubled expression. He hadn't expected it to come to this. "You see Professor it was the only way." Draco Malfoy drawled lazily looking at the girl on his left who nodded in agreement.

"You yourself said we could never be together, not even when the war was over. That for us it wouldn't matter which side won because we wouldn't. There is no way we could win, unless we throw away are cards and withdraw." Hermione Granger said, taking pity on Dumbledore. "We were doomed from the beginning. Even with the changes Harry will bring it won't be enough- not for us. There have been too many years of resentment between Mudbloods and Purebloods." She reached over grabbed Draco's hand; he squeezed her hand tightly. They all sat in silence, each contemplating different things.

"Where will you go?" Dumbledore asked at last. Draco shot a glance at Hermione, whom pulled a face but nodded. Both of them refused to look Dumbledore in the eyes. It was Draco who answered.

"We can't tell you, sir."

"No one can know, not even you." Hermione said looking retched. "You see…"

"Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy are dead, one through suicide the other through a murder that will never be solved." Draco said firmly standing up and moving towards the fireplace. The many portraits of previous headmasters watched the scene below them unfurl with interest.

"We can't tell you Dumbledore," Hermione said gently, "because we cannot run the risk that we will ever be found. Once Draco and I leave this room Hermionie Granger and Draco Malfoy will never exist. They cannot. Please understand…" Her voice trembled as she fought for the right words to say. "All that is left for us here is destruction. Either we will die in battle or we will be forced to watch the other one die. There will be no better world for us." Dumbledore sighed.

"What about the people you leave behind- your mother, Draco or your friends, Hermionie?" He asked.

"We've thought about them and although this isn't the best solution this is the only solution we've got headmaster." Draco said moving to stand behind Hermione, his face dark with emotions.

"I see you have this all thought out." He said at last. Hermionie nodded.

"If we may, can we ask one last favour? We… we were going to wipe your mind so that you'd never remember having talked to us. So everyone will think that we are dead but… we need your help." Dumbledore nodded, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement. He drew out two scrolls from within a draw.

"Here are two certificates saying you have passed the full seven years at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. The name space on each certificate is blank for you to fill in. Both certificates are for members of Ravenclaw, as I don't think it would be wise to associate either of you with Gryffindor or Slytherin- do you?" Both of them shook their heads. "If anyone questions the certificate I have put a spell on them so that whilst they are being talked about anyone who is asked will remember you as the names you put- who your friends are ect."

"Thank you, sir." Malfoy said, bowing before securing the two scrolls deep within a bag that was placed by his chair. He picked up the bag and looked at Hermione, who also stood. "Goodbye Professor." Hermione walked over to him and kissed him gently on the forehead, tears silently falling down her cheeks.

"Goodbye Dumbledore." She whispered, before walking over to Draco. There was a loud pop and they disappeared into the floo network through the fireplace just as the door swung open and a very distressed looking McGonagall entered.

"I have terrible news Albus…"

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"It is indeed a tragedy that someone with as many prospects would take her life. The news of Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger's death is a tragedy, both had such a bright future and they will both be sorely missed." Dumbledore looked at the sea of faces in front of him. Everyone's face seemed to hold a deep sadness within it. Whatever they may think, and where ever they were, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy had succeeded at the one thing they had thought impossible- uniting the whole school.

From Ravenclaw to Hufflepuff and from Gryffindor to Slytherin, all houses were united in silent grief.


End file.
